Una Familia Con Suerte, Thursday March 15. We come to bury comedy, not to praise it.

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Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears (or eyes), but not for long. Just a quickie tonight.

Chela and the kids wail and moan like professional mourners because Chela’s moving down the street.

Via phone:

Pancho: I love you!

Rebe: You have a strange way of showing it.

Pancho: You started it!

Rebe: *Click.*

Pancho: Waaaaahhhhh!!!

Next morning, the mafientourage arrives at the Lopez nuthouse as Chela is leaving, sad little suitcase in tow. Napo is way concerned with Chela’s wellbeing and insistent on pampering her. Napo decides he loves the big house and makes himself right at home, sitting down for breakfast, offering Ana help selling her CD, buddying up with Temo, and acting effusively polite to Fernanda. Temo breaks the news to Fernanda that they’re going to have a new little cousin.

Moni and Pepe seem to have settled right in at Enzo’s apartment. Moni hates keeping the secret from Enzo, even though Pepe keeps telling her it’s just for a short time while Chela wraps her swiss cheese mind around the situation.

Lidia tells Rebe she’s falling in love with Enzo. It’s going around, apparently. Out in the lobby, Midori outrageously hits on him. Note that they have JUST met. “Your place or mine?” she asks. Enzo crawls over the furniture to escape.

Chela settles into her new apartment amidst dizzy spells. Selling lotion and eye shadow must pay a lot better than jobs in auto mechanics and graphic design. Chacho drops by with groceries and a baby gift and they go out to breakfast.

Vins kisses Pina on the lips. Freddie and Meli: PUM! Vins encounters the gangster gang in the driveway. Candy is cold to him and ostentatiously affectionate to Napo. Napo stages a big show of Gracious Manners to Vins.

Tom’s face is all healed up and he says goodbye to his prison buddies. Street cred 4eva, dude. Outside in the free free air, he hugs Elena and kisses Lupita! Then he nearly gets barfed on by Chela. They take him back to the palace and Lupe and Elena peel grapes for him and fan him with palm fronds. They take him outside to be a free-range stud. The other girls notice Lupita’s dying sheep eyes.

Moni tells Enzo he’s going to be a dad again. He is THRILLED. Lidia asks whazzup and Enzo tells her. Sadness de Lidia. Moni finds out from Pepe where Chela lives and Enzo goes and confronts her. Why didn’t she tell him herself? Does she think so little of him? No, just the opposite, Chela says. She thinks the world of him and made a huge disaster of everything. Plus she saw him besuqueando Lidia. They have a long and cordial talk.

Midori moves on to her next prey: Pancho. It looks like something on Animal Planet. Pancho tells her she’s way too forward.

Midori: You’re right. I have a problem.
Pancho: Only one?
Midori: I tried to get therapy, but I just wanted to eat up the therapist!
Pancho: You’re a cannibal?!
Midori: No! A sex addict!

Vins bursts in and Midori throws herself at him instead. Celeste and Ketita decide they have to defend the menfolk from the shark-toothed bottom-feeder.

Napo gives Candy wedding night lingerie, which disgusts her. He talks about having Napoleoncitos and she hates that, but he’s just thrilled when she says she WAS afraid of him. Past tense! They’re soul mates!

Pina tries again to sic Kari on Freddie and he is NOT having it. Kari isn’t entirely on board either; she seems unwilling be a Midori but Pina pooh-poohs her thinking this is pointless if Freddie just isn’t into her.

Rebe and Lidia try to unravel their love triangle sex hexagon naughty Gordian knot. No, never mind, they want to keep it tangled. Rebe encourages Lidia to fight for Enzo. {Or, you know, I hear there’s an orange in Miami in need of another half.}

The DNA results are in. Pancho is officially Fernanda’s long-lost son. She cries. She tells Pancho and he cries. Then he cries more because apparently he didn’t know he was adopted, and OMG, Candy isn’t really his sister (I’m not sure he grasps the adoption concept. Lemme short-cut it for you, Pancho: Candy is your sister). Somehow he seems to think Candy will be upset to find she doesn’t share his DNA. I would think she’d be relieved.

Fernanda decides her mission in life is to get Rebe and Pancho back together.

Vins tells Pina and the lawyer he wants to cancel the divorce. She agrees, with one condition.